Its been a long time since I have written on this blog. I don't even post that much on facebook anymore unless its a verbal laugh out loud insulting fun joust fight with my co-workers. I just haven't felt like writing much in the last 8 or 10 months. I really haven't had the time to set down and express myself in words because life keeps me so busy I forget about myself... which I thought that's what I was supposed to do, forget about myself and go to work! What is odd is that I don't forget about myself when I say some of my prayers. Unfortunately some consist of only "this is what I need and thanks for listening Heavenly Father". Its like I hang up (or stand up) before I could even let Him say "come back and see me when you have more time. I love out conversations but I wish you could hear me more". Those type of prayers are the marking of someone who needs a course correction, someone who needs to do better. I don't do them much but I have done more lately that I should. I am someone who needs to think less of himself and more of himself if that even makes sense (no wonder life can be so confusing sometimes). I know my life is not a great book that you can't put down, or a movie that you hope turns into a trilogy. My life always seems more like a chapter in someone's comic book, and I am not the hero or villain, just someone that happens to be there. No matter though, I now understand that whatever the format, the simple words of someone else, even on a blog can make a difference. I need to listen more and I need to write more, I need to correct myself more and this is the way need to do it, but writing it down.
The words of someone else's life can change you, it really can!! and no I am not just talking about the words of the Savior (although they do change you the most) or some great miracle that happened in someone's life that is talked about at General Conference (that can sometimes change you if you are paying attention, haha). Not long ago someone's words really changed me, but and it wasn't just the words, it was the power in which it was said that really changed me. The crazy thing is what it wasn't directed to me, wasn't about me, it had nothing to do with me! Still it changed me, like a light in my head went off but not just in my head, it was my heart that it brightened up too! This light didn't just blink but it stayed on, and the best part is the bulb still hasn't blown!!! That usually happens to me but it has stayed on and changed me... it has became an eternal part of me. It was a tender mercy that I didn't even know I needed, it was a light you could see in a bright room.
I know you are asking, "what happened?, what was said? who is it? why are you so weird Phil?, why is my zipper down right now? and what did you read that changed you?". Unfortunately I really can't answer those questions (especially about the zipper), and I really can't express what changed will enough for anyone to understand. Plus if I tried, well, all it would do is devalue the experience and the sacredness.... and I can't do that because I love and need it to much in my life. So all I can do is admit that it changed me, it made me want something better, it made me love someone better, and it made me realize that my soul is in constant need of be refreshed and updated... kinda like this blog. So that's what I am going to do, I am going to update and change it as often as possible (my blog and my life).
So expect more from me and expect more from this blog.
-Phillip
p.s. Thank you Whit. Someday I hope to thank you for what you did for me in just a few sentences of your blog. You opened your soul up for all to read, and I fell in love with your heart that day.... and it changed mine forever.
